Bumpdate- 3rd Trimester

Hi Everyone,

This is the first post in awhile that I'm writing since Chrislyn's birth. That being said, I do write these posts ahead of time and then schedule them to be published on a certain day still.

More than likely, I've written this post on a day where I am feeling more positive and/or upbeat...or on a day where I am trying to be distracted, find the little joys, want to heal through writing, or give myself something to do. I might have written the post on a day where I was feeling good at some point, but then I became emotionally wrecked again later. 

I'm sharing that with you because when you read this, you might reach out to me thinking that I'm feeling somewhat bubbly and "normal" again, but maybe I'm having a difficult time that day again, so please just give me grace if you reach out to me. Please also know that just because I might seem okay as I'm writing/you're reading this post, that for sure isn't always the case, and I definitely still appreciate so much of your support.

When we first received the heartbreakingly devastating (I will never find the words to aptly describe this) news about Chrislyn, I was almost ashamedly thinking of it as another miscarriage. I wanted to completely block out anything that had anything to do with Chrislyn's journey or my pregnancy with her because I thought it would be too hard to be reminded of. I first thought of it as another failed pregnancy. That completely 100% changed as soon as I had Chrislyn...and I'm eternally grateful for that.

Chrislyn is our first baby, our precious daughter, and she is absolutely someone worth cherishing and celebrating all steps of her journey with us. She is NOT just a stillborn baby. She is our daughter that was alive for 9 months inside of me- our daughter that I labored and gave birth to. I can not even fathom the love I have for HER- not just any baby, but HER. That has been the hardest part of all this grief. However, depending on my mood, I can often look back on my pregnancy pictures with her with pride, joy, gratitude, and great memories of having her so close to me.

I'd love to celebrate more of my pregnancy with her by sharing our 3rd Trimester bump pics. These are so incredibly special to me now after knowing that it was our sweet Chrislyn moving around and growing inside of that bump. Knowing that it was ultimately Chrislyn makes me love that growing unknown baby and that bump a million times more.

If you'd like to go back and reminisce over my 1st &2nd trimesters bump, you can access that post here- Bumpdate- 1st & 2nd Trimesters

Of course this can change, but after our last ultrasound with Chrislyn, our high-risk doctor said that in the future, they will admit me into the hospital full time around 33 weeks to be fully monitored 24/7 to hopefully eliminate anything like this ever happening again. I will not live through losing another full term baby again.

It's hopeful/intimidating to look back and to see where I was at at 33 weeks and to know that I will be in the hospital full time (next time) starting then.

In the future (again, this is subject to change), our high risk doctor said they will induce me at 36 weeks. Chrislyn made it to 37 weeks and 2 days before being born. It's hopeful/reassuring/sad to look at this picture and know I will most likely never make it to 37 weeks pregnant again.

When we took this last "official/unoffical" bump pic, I still thought I felt Chrislyn moving, and this was taken the day before we went to her last ultrasound.

And these following two pics are for everyone who lightheartedly called me fat, jokingly called me a whale, or commented on how big I had gotten during pregnancy 😰...yes, I was very large and in charge, but I would do it all again to give my Chrislyn all the sweets she wanted in her lifetime! She LOVED sweets (and she HATED eggs!). I am not and have never been a big sweets person, but Chrislyn wanted what she wanted!

I immediately dropped 30 pounds in the first week after having Chrislyn- that is all credited to water weight, I think. Our soaked and puddled bed sheets from my nighttime sweats during that first week postpartum can give credibility to this statement.

I still have a long way to go (20 more pounds!)  but it feels good to be able to move my body more comfortably again.

How special it was to carry Chrislyn with me everywhere I went for those 37 weeks. When I was pregnant, I would often look at these pics and criticize so many parts of how I looked, but now I am so proud of all that my body did to grow Chrislyn for as long as it did. I will forever cherish this pregnancy with our first baby girl.